Yesterday was my daughter's birthday.

And this is my correspondance with her grandmother……

"At least give me a channel to tell her my congratulations and best wishes for her birthday. Like her e mail, Skype or Whatsapp for example...…

Nevzat,
Anya is well. She likes her school, though she has problem with spelling.
I/ve sent your letter for Ira. They were ready to give you an opportunity to speak to her on Skype.
I spoke to Anya yesterday and asked her if she had spoken to you. He answer  was: I don/t want to speak to him."



I have always liked this song but now it has been touching and meaningful for me...….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68tc6sn4cCk

I dream such a wonderful woman, such a great love again for myself.

It was the first days of our relation we had a problem and I did not call her for a few days. I loved her even then at the beginning. I could easily fall in love with my ex wife from the first moment but it was mutual. She had strong feelings too even then in the first month of our relation. She was a sensitive, emotional, kind, decent and innocent young lady. She is so fragile and innocent. She has had innocent raw reactions always like a small girl. It is amazing. It has always fascinated me. It is so rare and worthy. An unexpected nice surprise in today's sly world. She made that song then in those several days when she thought I left her and finished our relation. She made this wonderful song in an extra ordinary over emotional mood. And years later I prepared a video clip you will see below with her song adding a convenient video. She signs herself in this clip. She is very talent including arts and music. She makes songs with lyrics and melody by herself. I hope you will like.

However this is just one of her many wonderful songs. You can find all the others at here

A very nice day again like 7 years ago.

It was also a very nice warm and sunny day 7 years ago today.

We got marry with her.

No cure for brokenhearted: Research finds time doesn’t heal heartbreak.

I dont write this to try to accuse you, to blame you but it might expalin my situation. You know my cardiac problems were detected 2 years later we broke up. AS you can remember in my previous angiography it was detected no problem when we were together.

A disturbing condition, known as the 'broken heart syndrome,' doesn’t necessarily heal with time, researchers at the University of Aberdeen have found. There is no treatment for the disorder, which was previously thought to recover in due course.

A team of researchers at Scotland's Aberdeen University has spent four years studying the syndrome, commonly referred to as a "broken heart," and medically known as Takotsubo stress cardiomyopathy (TSM). The result of their work turned out to be heartbreaking indeed: "There is no known treatment for the condition."

The syndrome, which was first described in Japan in 1990, is usually sparked by stress, following life events such as losses of family members or friends, involvement in an accident or rueful feelings caused by relationship break-ups - mostly affecting women.
Patients suffering from TSM might experience severe chest pains associated with a heart attack, medics say, but when their coronary arteries are checked, no blockage is found. But "patients can go downhill very quickly," scientists warn, as their heart muscle functions poorly.
"The usual test for heart function is an echocardiogram (Echo) test and when we conduct this it shows that the heart is back to normal... However, when talking to the patients they report that they are still not feeling themselves, cannot take part in strenuous activity and many have been unable to return to work," said Dana Dawson, who led the Aberdeen research team.
Having studied brokenhearted patients as a group rather than individual cases, and using more sophisticated diagnostic tools, including Cardiac Magnetic Resonance and Spectroscopy, scientists found continued abnormalities in the hearts of suffering people.

For full article

Is my daughter under threat?

My ex wife will bring our 5 y.o. daughter to the country of these preverts.

Even English mass media can not hide this reality no more.

How London became the child abuse capital of the world: Trafficked here by gangs, prey to pimps, paedophiles and murderers... the booming trade in 'lost' children that shames us all

• RICHARD HOSKINS investigates how London became trafficking capital
• Children are used to trick the benefits system and for sex abuse rings
• A new United Nations report paints a dark picture of the British capital

Read here

Pedophilia in Britain ‘woven into the fabric of society’ – Theresa May

As the UK has launched a new-judge led inquiry panel to investigate a pedophile ring operated in 1980s, the Home Secretary warns the allegations are just a “tip of an iceberg” and the problem is “woven, covertly, into the fabric of our society.”

Following a spate of allegations concerning the abuse of children by adults, many of who abused their positions of power and status, Home Secretary Theresa May said Britons still do not appreciate the“true scale of that abuse.”

Writing in the Telegraph, May warned that the investigation into predators of children will “lead into our schools and hospitals, our churches, our youth clubs and many other institutions that should have been places of safety…”

Following Thursday’s announcement of a four-person panel to investigate the criminal activities against minors, May said Justice Lowell Goddard would be empowered to “compel witnesses and the removal of any cut-off date from the Terms of Reference” allowing Goddard to track the evidence “wherever it takes her.”

Read here

An undercover police operation investigating alleged child abuse by a prominent MP and a member of Britain's intelligence agencies was scrapped shortly after detectives moved in to make arrests, it has been reported.

Police officers brought in Liberal MP Sir Cyril Smith during an inquiry in the early 1980s which targeted properties in south London suspected of hosting sex parties involving teenage boys.

But he was released within hours of being taken to a police station, according to information received by the BBC's Newsnight.

Officers were then ordered to hand over all of their evidence - including notebooks and video footage - and warned to keep quiet about the investigation or face prosecution under the Official Secrets Act.

It came after the police watchdog yesterday said it was investigating claims that Scotland Yard covered up child sex offences because of the involvement of MPs and police officers.

Read here

South Yorkshire Police knew hundreds of young girls were making claims of sexual abuse in Sheffield but did not act, an ex-police officer has alleged.

Documents and interviews with ex-officers suggested the force failed to pursue a number of child sexual exploitation (CSE) inquiries.

It also ignored intelligence that girls as young as 12 were being raped and assaulted, the officer told the BBC.

Read here

Child sexual exploitation bombshell as official report reveals almost 500 victims in Birmingham and West Midlands

Rocketing figure more than DOUBLE previous estimate, as police tackle 70 live cases

Almost 500 children in Birmingham and the West Midlands have been identified as victims of sexual exploitation in just six months, a bombshell new report has revealed.
The chilling figure is more than DOUBLE the previous estimate for the same period, indicating the scale of the problem was previously vastly underestimated.

Read here

Dedicated to her.

Happy women's day to all.

Today is 8. th of March. My loved wife then was a Capricorn.

The combination of Taurus and Capricorn is one of the easier and interesting one. Although they are different enough to sustain each other’s interest but at the same time they share enough common goals in love to keep tension to a minimum. Both Capricorn and Taurus share a basic appreciation for sensuality and earthy pleasures.

A Taurus man is a person who knows how to embody the role of the secure, masculine caretaker by channeling his ability to persevere through difficult times. The majority of the time he is calm and composed individual with a very stable and practical approach. Although he places a lot of value on his material possessions and his financial security, he can also be extremely sentimental. He prefers the unwavering life that is not disturbed by many unexpected surprises, and if his lady love, relents the power of the home and house to him, she will be well taken care of.
A Capricorn woman is practical, smart as a whip person who is able to focus on what is important to her and pursue it with an almost superhuman level of dedication. She is not bogged down with the confusing, conflicting emotions that create so many difficulties in other people’s lives. Instead, her first priority is not matters of the heart, so it can be quite a challenge to win her over. When a man does get her interest, it is important to her to be in some kind of significant position in his life. She can never be comfortable in an unimportant position in any relationship.
A Capricorn woman embodies everything a Taurus man could hope or dream for in a strong, practical, and wise woman. While he may find himself desiring more of an open display of affection or sentiment, he soon comes to realize that her steadfast commitment to him over the long term is simply her way of showing her love. But at the same time she is pretty, warm and feminine enough to have exquisitely tender feeling for her dearest ones and once the Taurus man becomes one, he enjoys such undivided attention and devotion that makes him feel secure and even more peaceful. There is an enormous amount of respect and admiration between these two lovers and when they choose to form a family, they have the capability to build a strong home that has one of the firmest foundations.
The Taurus man is extremely responsible and level-headed person. While Capricorn woman is very hard to win over, Taurus male is one of the few who has the true dedication required to genuinely capture her heart. Neither of the two is particularly flowery when it comes to verbal confessions of love, but he is definitely the more sentimental of the two and can bring out of softer side of his Capricorn female. He loves and protects her and at the same time respects her individuality, supporting her in all her endeavors. He never allows a minor tiff or issue get in the way of letting their relationship work and prizes his lady like rarest gem. They both prize stability and feel most content when they are working towards something greater, and they provide each other with a common goal that they both desire.
The Taurus man and the Capricorn woman make a lovely relationship with such intense devotion that they even start reading one another’s thoughts with due time. Both of them love peace and stability and possess each other endearingly. In gardens of angels, basking in the sunshine of love these two enjoy their earthy passion and strong ways of loving. They both are dependable and have sureness in their togetherness with an aura that prevails around them forever. Taurus man understands how to be less stubborn and Capricorn woman learns to be more expressive. Though their love has less to do with flowery expression but still the meadows they walk are greener with pleasant fragrance of earth and shimmering colors from sky to bless them with forever happiness.
Since both the Taurus man and Capricorn woman are earthy beings, their sexual relationship is more prominent than other zodiac signs. Once the two make it into the bedroom, they experience a kind of pairing that instantly feels comfortable in each other’s arms, which help their relationship to unfold. The physical aspect of lovemaking is the main focus for both of them. Neither of them requires the sweet, wooing whisperings that are associated with more emotional or romantic types. Instead, they allow their bodies to do the talking. Taurus man’s ability to express himself in full honesty and sincerity without even uttering a word is very appealing to the Capricorn woman. His sensuality and erotic ability, stirs her deepest passion which is very intense and fulfilling. She dislikes games and knows exactly where she stands with him. In many situations, Capricorn woman can create a divide between sex and love as a defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt in a relationship. However, she gets the sense that she can let down her guard and enjoy Taurus man’s earthy passion as more than just a physical act, as she can tell that there isn’t an ounce of deceit to his feelings.
The one important issue that the relationship of Taurus man and Capricorn woman is bound to face is their difficulties discussing their emotions and knowing how to confront their issues on a verbal level. She can be even worse than him, as she has more pride in her independence while his stubbornness is one problem that she has to face. There is no doubt that they have the patience and perseverance to get through it, but sometimes communication can be a problem. Neither prefers to naturally display anger, fear and insecurity and decides to keep it all inside and but generally the Taurus man has to get in touch with his tender side to break down the barriers and establish a rapport that allows the two to speak more freely of their inner experiences.

Today is our anniversery.

It was a sunny, warm wonderfull day we got marry in 2009.

Happy St. Valentine day to all.

Though I have been in a bad and unlucky period in love life for last 3 years and I have been alone, lonely and unhappy, I dont envy anybody's happiness.

I frankly and sincerely wish happy St. Valentine day to everybody.

Utopian?

My beloved wrote in her blog that

What I like about people in England

They smile. Strangers in parks, strangers in Tube, people living next door and people passing by...

I think this is common among Russians to try to search and hope some good things in the west with an expectation they should be in somewhere.

But dont be too optimistic. Check out this examples first.

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/prostitute-in-max-mosley-nazi-dungeon-orgy-was-wife-of-mi5-officer-6677503.html

http://metro.co.uk/2015/01/08/my-mum-and-stepdad-kept-me-in-a-wardrobe-and-raped-me-nightly-5014183/

http://wolfertssisters.blogspot.com.tr/p/about.html?m=1

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2919664/Secret-file-detailing-unnatural-sexual-behaviour-Westminster-VIP-paedophile-scandal-80s-discovered-probably-seen-Margaret-Thatcher.html#comments

A pedophilia ring scandal has shaken England alleged even in top high people circum in society. A recent scandal claims about Prince Andrew.

I dont know how much they are reliable, if they are true or not but I am sure she is too much optimistic about her new English life.

Happy birthday.

Me too. I celebrated your birthday alone.

In your favorite place, chain cafes brand "Mado". By drinking sahlep you love very much.

You probably celebrated it with your beloved Colin as you are in London to visit him. I am sure it was wonderful for you and you were very happy. I know you, you are decent, loyal and wonderful darling with full of love. You love him. You should have found a way to spend wonderful time together.

My celebration was lonely, modest and sad a bit. However pleasant by thinking of you.

Is it crazyness. I dont know. I just know well it is pleasant even to remember you.

New year feelings.

Lonely, alone and sad.

Did you bring him to VDNK?

We visited together and I liked very much. I have wonderfull memories about my those Moscow trips to visit you in our early stages. Did you bring him also to Golden Gate and Botanic  Park in Vladimir we have been together? There is ntohing has remained spesific to us, about only us. Da my beloved?




I can understand your behaviour very well now. You drank a whole glass of cognag and got extremely drunken when you saw the photos of my ex girls friends in my computer despite the truth those girls had no meaning and importance by the time for me as well as now. You also felt bad and got upset when we would go to Bolu where you knew I visited with them too before. Now I feel the lack of perception of something unique to me, something special to me in your life.

How was life when my beloved was born.

 

What was going on in her country meanwhile my loved ex wife was born.

A lovely documentary for me.

 

It s like somebody addresses me.

It was one of my most loved songs in my childhood. I did not know it would suit and fit to me so well one day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4QqMKe3rwY&feature=youtu.be

Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong?
You're enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go
And the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving

Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down
And your love's a blown out candle
All is gone and it seems too hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
There is no way you can deny it
I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go
And the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving

Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

Private letters with a friend.

 I understand your sarcasm...
If you want sex with me, you waste time in vain...
I differ from those women about whom you think...

Оксана


Why did you think so, how did you have such an idea Oksana.

Apparently it is better me to clarify the issue about us. As you know we got acquainted in a dating web site. In those days I thought my beloved had a love affair with Jason and foolishly I consider I had to responce by starting with a new love affair. I was searching a woman and you were good and convenient for me. You are beautiful, attractive and sexy. I dreamt love and sex with you. And I did not hide it from you. I told I wanted you included for sex. But you were not complaining of this then. You responded by your photos in bikini. In those days I had attempts for a love affair also with somebody else and I made sex with several women. But in a few months I just realised that an affair or sex with somebody never satisfy me, makes me happy but rather makes me feel bad only. I saw this is not I have wanted and needed. I understood I want everything only with my beloved even though she refuses me now. I have decided it is better not to live anything at all since I can not do with her. I declared it to you and suggested that I did want a love affair with you and even I did not want to continue to contact. On the other hand you have been a good and loyal friend. After some months you got contact with me again and we have continued to communicate in a form of friendship since then. Oksana have I ever offer or mention anything about sex since then. Even one time did I suggest anything about love or sex. NO. I have paid 3 visits to Vladimir since we got re contact. The last was in last month. I did not call you, I did not try to meet. You talk about men to me. You have had contacts and attempts with 3 men in order but how was my reaction. I can listen calm and enjoy to discuss. Whereas I would almost die with suffer of heart problems for upset and jealousy about her affair with an other man though she is not my wife no more. What you lived with that Grek man and what you may live with this recent one does not interest me. I just want, plan and aim to continue to dream, to imagine of my beloved even in her absence. Is it craziness. Yes it is. Who cares. I need only her and I have her in my soul and heart as I keep her alive in me forever.

You are certainly a beautiful and attractive woman. I certainly would want to make sex with you under normal conditions. But now, relax and calm down please. I have neither wish nor aim to do it with anybody. I will not attempt. If there will be a miracle one day, if I will cease to love my ex wife one day, you will be in prior among ladies. You will be informed if it will happen. You know I am not shy.

Oksana what is wrong with sex for you. Why it is prohibited to you. Why do you afraid of if a man may demand it. I remember you told me you had not do it for years. You went to Greece to meet with your lover but you say with a condition not to make sex. Probably only because of this you got a negative responce and approach from him. I guessed it was only sex he wanted. And without it, you were not needed for him. But why do you prohibit it to yourself. Were you raped in past remained a fear to you. Dont you trust yourself at sex. Do you believe you are so bad at sex. Or versay vercy you are a sex addict considering you can not stay without it even one day if you start it again like treated drug abusers.

Anyway I wish for you good in the future.


Poka.


You answered all your questions. I want to keep my sexual energy for my favourite person. For this reason I stopped any communication with men. Also it is the main reason why I don't want to send my photos of to nobody. Besides all men lie. They think out the different reasons to drag me in a bed. I don't trust men. And I don't trust you because you are a man.

Quite recently I understood what is necessary to me the man. And I will wait for such man. I believe that he will find me. And I will protect and increase my sexual energy for my man now. I understood that I quickly lose her...

Оксана

Oksana I realised how much we are similar with you.

To have such a strong, stubborn, stable, deep and courageous soul. As a consequence of to be Taurus.
You say you will preserve, protect and keep yourself to an ideal man. The man matches your requirements and expectations perfectly. You will wait your favorite. You say you are sure he will find you. But how. And I say I just will continue to dream of my ex wife desperately. It will be all my love life. I dont want a real affair with somebody but I will settle for only with memories and dreams. Both are utopias. We prefer to live non existing loves with dream heroes. We are like small kids believe fairy tale heroes.

Let me say you honestly, frankly in a realistic way. We are both in our last times. Nowadays are our last chances. We will waste our days, months, years in a stupid wait and then when we will realise it will have been a big mistake, nobody will want and prefer us. It will be too late even for accepting those we refuse today. We will have wasted our last chaces for a happy family.

Is it an indicator of to be fool. No. It would be, if I could not see and forecast and predict all of this. But I know they will happen. It means I am clever enough. It is just inevitable destiny as I have nothing to do about it. I can not be happy with any other woman and this is why I can not try to start with any woman when I know she is not what I want.

What a strong evidence for to be similar as zodiac signs in common. Look at us, 45 years old children, dreaming fool children trashing the expensive rest of lives.


Only that for sure we behave not selfish and pragmatic, but noble, loyal and decent as to be old fashioned today.



Yeah, maybe you're right.

But I have a different view on these things. First of all, I love my solitude. My narcotic - it is solitude. I'm used to it, I was alone for too long. Loneliness - my vacation, my comfort. I do not suffer from this. And any relationship - is the work for me.

Secondly, I do not expect  ideal man. I need a man who can accept me with my shortcomings. I have at times is a difficult character. I get moody, and I am a despot ... And I need a man, shortcomings which I can take as well.

Third, we both know that there is fate. When I swim against the current of the river, I realize that I'm doing it for nothing. I'm tired of swimming against the tide, and I tired of fighting. I choose  peace of mind now, and I trust my stream of life.

Оксана

Nice memory, painful coincidence and harsh reality.

It was my beloved ex wife's present to me before our marriage. It is written "better, faster, stronger" on the  T Shirt and Colin's is the name of the brand. What a cruel coincidence for me her new man's name is Colin now. Despite we have divorced I still love her very much.

She did not know the message on T Shirt actually mentioned herself as to be Colin's and to be better, faster, stronger than me to establish a new happy life.

Does it try to mean something?

My ex wife, my beloved presented this cactus to me years ago. It has had a form of a heart.

The situation leads a new level of my exam.

My wife's love affair with her English darling has diveded me into two parts. The consequences of my love to her requires contrary reactions and feelings. There are two "me" in my body now fighting each other and this struggle is probably one of the most cruel challenges one may face in his life. I envy her like crazy. But I should be happy for her to be happy finally. I can not want and wish her to be alone life long if I love her as it is not good for anybody. I should want everything good for her, I should be glad with her benefits. Poor her, she had been alone for almost 3 years. Her soul and body need somebody and since I can not be him, I should even thank him, I should be grateful to him in a way. I remember our good days,smiling suits her very much. LEt her smile a bit after a long break. She certainly deserves happiness. But is it so easy? Jealousy ie also a dominant feeling and a reality as a concequence of love. I will survey its mechanism in my next post. My wife is also a jealous person.

My extraordinary experience with my wife, our story, the issue is being get mutation, becomes more and more complicated, gets new dimentions with new levels of exam for me and is going on to have had the lessons of my life.

Believe me it is terrible to have two contrary feelings for one thing and you would never want to experience it ever.

Just as I wrote before.

The husband who shot himself dead at a shooting range after his model wife was pictured cozying up to Leonardo DiCaprio was 'devastated' when his marriage to the 'love of his life' fell apart, a friend has revealed.

Katie Cleary was pictured cuddling up to DiCaprio and Entourage star Adrian Grenier last month in Cannes, before her husband Andrew Stern killed himself at a California shooting range on Sunday.

Now his loved ones are trying to come to terms with the death of the 40-year-old businessman, who had filed for divorce just weeks before the tragedy.

'Andrew was an amazing man and husband who believed Katie to be the love of his life,' his friend Pace Lattin told MailOnline.

'He made it clear that he would do anything to make her happy... He saw that he put all he could into his marriage and his wife, and when she wanted more, it devastated him.'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2668516/Katie-Clearys-husband-Andrew-Stern-filed-divorce-just-months-ago-killing-shooting-range.html

And my related post http://desolationdiary.blogspot.com.tr/2014/03/can-steel-have-chance-against-ice.html

I really wanted to do the same but I was just not courageous enough.

Is it the difference between women and men?

You hate me. Probably you consider and indentify me as an evil. At me nothing good but completely bad. You dont have any good memories with me. Really are you sure we have not live anything bad, you have neer been happy with me. In this case why did you wait 5 years to divorce?

But I can not consider you as bad, I can not say something bad about you. Yes we lived something bad but the period I had been with you was the best and most pleasant of my life. I miss even our the worst moment. I have wonderful memories with you and I had perfect times. You gave me a wonderful child and you have always been a perfect mother to her. I am grateful to you. You came to Buyukcekmece park and spent whole day there for me. You spend whole your day in a small shopping mall Beylikduzu Migros. You left your everything behind and came to my city to live even in difficult conditions.

I will always remember you good.

You are happy with him now and you love him. But dont forget you said also for Andrey and then for me once upon times. Be carefull please we know you were wrong with your feelings in your previous two marriages. Or your feelings and opinions are not so much stable but can be changed easily.